You probably wouldn’t expect a Dutch expat in Bangkok to know the differences between Ohio, Idaho and Iowa—I certainly didn’t. But when I told him I go to school in Des Moines, he started laughing with surprise and said, “Oh, Des Moines! I went there a lot when I was working in Chicago.”

We talked about the Midwest experience, and he later went on to explain why he doesn’t like the U.S. To my surprise, though, it wasn’t the miles of cornfields. “Americans are so serious,” he said. “They don’t get a joke. They take everything at face value. People in Thailand are more fun, more relaxed.”

Wait a minute. I am the one who doesn’t get a joke—not the U.S. people. I’ve even been said to be low-context, unable to read between the lines.

Seeing my confused expression, my Dutch friend elaborated that the U.S. people take everything too seriously. You make an ethnic joke and they call you racist. You make an innocent mistake and they sue you. There’s no wiggle room here; you have to be cautious of your thoughts and actions at all times.

In Thailand, people tend to say mai pen rai, which is the equivalent of “That’s OK.” Like when I hear a Thai prostitute joke. Is it racist? Possibly—if the intention behind it is to demean the Thais or me for being Thai. But as long as it isn’t, that’s just a harmless joke.

But in the U.S., anything that touches on race and ethnicity becomes a sensitive issue. Some try too hard to forget that people are indeed different—arguing that we should ignore, or pretend to not see, our racial differences—and get all offended with racial/ethnic jokes.

Case in point: When my friend called an Asian waiter a racial name—while intoxicated—he was perceived by some of his friends as being racist in nature, because he doesn’t call people racial names when he’s sober. So this must be his true nature.

Sure, the waiter had every right to be angry; he didn’t know my friend. And calling someone with racial names isn’t quite appropriate. But labeling someone as a racist isn’t like labeling boys and girls. You have to consider the reasons behind his action. Was it just an inappropriate joke that came out because his judgment was impaired? Was he discriminating against the waiter? Did he truly believe that his race is superior?

I hope not. Because if he did, then he’s been pretending to be my friend all this time.

Considering this situation, I can understand why my Dutch friend thinks people from the U.S. are so tense. In Thailand, Thai-Chinese sometimes get mocked for having slanted eyes. In Japan, toy stores sell gaijin-san sets. And people just think it’s funny.

Maybe people in the U.S. do need to relax. Take jokes as they are. And life might be easier that way.

– Monsicha Hoonsuwan, Guest Blogger